Planning Your Wedding

Byline: Linnyette Richardson-Hall

Linnyette Richardson-Hall is a professional wedding planner based in Baltimore, Maryland. She's been in the wedding industry since 1993 and has put together hundreds of weddings on both a local and national level. She's appeared in Essence and Glamour magazines, and is one of several wedding planners featured on Style Network's hit reality series "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?"

Watch Linnyette as she works her wedding magic for a happy couple.

To find out more about Linnyette, visit her at theweddingdiva.com .

The transcript follows below.

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washingtonpost.com: This discussion will start momentarily. Please stay tuned.

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New York, N.Y.: Do the groomsmen have to be your ushers or can you ask your Uncle or favorite cousin to help seat guests?

Thanks!

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Hi: Most certainly! You can ask close friends or family members to act as ushers ... that will keep your groomsmen with you!

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Arlington, Va.: Linnyette,

In your opinion what are some of the best places to cut some costs without losing impact? And what details will still be waiting to be worked out in the two to three weeks leading up to the wedding? I'm getting married in October, and things seem to be coming along just fine, but I worry that I'll find myself overwhelmed at the end!

Thanks!

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Hello: I like to give my clients what I call the "totem pole"...in the grand scheme of things, define what aspects are most important to you, where you are willing to spend money, etc. Those are the things where you will put the most effort. To be perfectly honest, you'd be surprised as to what your guests "see" and what your "vision" might be. In many cases, they are totally different. Items such as favors (which get wasted more than you know!), expensive menu cards and table frames (which can be done beautifully and inexpensively at home), transportation (not many people will see you arriving or leaving!) are some areas where you can cut back on. However, don't skimp on pictures, food, entertainment and decor. These are the things that people will remember the most.

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Arlington, Va.: What suggestions do you have for a couple with an extremely small budget that would like to invite approximately 200 people to their wedding and reception?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: First - I'd ask you to define your vision - what would you really like to see in terms of decor, ambiance -- feeling?? Then I would suggest looking critically at the time of day you are having the event. Consider doing an early morning wedding followed by a wedding breakfast, or a late evening wedding followed by champagne and dessert. All very classy, all much less expensive than the traditional reception.

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Washington, D.C.: Do you have any opinions on renting a dress? Do you know where a dress could be rented?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: While that is a viable option - there aren't many places that rent out bridal wear. Have you considered finding something at a consignment shop or some of the discount bridal retailers? Depending on the formality of your event, you may be able to get something off the rack from a store - or maybe try JCrew.com. Really nice, simple outfits.

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Easton, Md.: The room in which we are holding our reception is divided into two, one larger room and a smaller room, by a large fireplace that has walkways on each side. We have about 100 guests in attendance. What layout do you suggest so that no guest feels any less than any other?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Unfortunately - when guests are "divided", someone will always feel left out. The best way to address this is to make sure that each "side" knows what's going on at all times. It's just going to be during times such as when the cake is cut, toasts are given, etc. that you'll need to congregate folks into one area so they can be a part of the festivities. I would suggest doing a group toast (great shot for the photographer) and making sure that either your planner, banquet captain or other trusted person is informing both sides of the room as to what is transpiring - a few minutes before it actually happens.

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Alexandria, Va.: I'm getting married next June and already have the place, caterer, officiate and dress (oh, and the groom!), but work full-time and go to grad. school (I graduate next May) so am trying to get things out of the way as much as possible. My question is am I sticking to a good time line, and what types of things to people tend to get bogged down on (flowers, invitations, favors)?

Thank you!

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Well - you've got some of the main items in place. I would strongly recommend that you consider hiring a professional planner in some capacity ( and that's not because I am one!). Simply put - you've got a lot on your plate and planning a wedding can be strenuous at best. A good planner will help you get the timeline together that works for you and your situation..and help you so that you don't get bogged down. I know that many people think planning this thing called a wedding is a breeze - but it's not. It's a lot of hard work and I can tell you from experience, a good plan can really help on your wedding day!

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Washington, D.C.: I am planning my October wedding and was wondering if it is necessary to invite people who are doing readings at the ceremony to the rehearsal dinner. We have limited space at the rehearsal dinner location. Thanks!

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Typically, the rehearsal dinner is for those people who are actively involved in the wedding itself. So, yes - proper etiquette would dictate that you invite them to the dinner. If your space is going to be limited, I would take out any out of town guests - and make the dinner for wedding party members, their significant others/spouses, parents, ushers/hostesses, readers and officiate.

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RE: An early morning wedding? : Is there a such thing as too early? What is a reasonable time?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: I am a fan of early morning weddings! I've done them as early as 10 a.m. followed by wonderful breakfasts and brunches, definitely a great alternative to the typical afternoon/evening soiree. Plus - you can save more money and be finished earlier - leaving you time to have some relaxed moments with your out of town guests - or get started on your honeymoon! Bottom line - people who love you will show up - no matter what time you say!

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Washington, D.C.: I am having an outdoor home wedding in August and I am searching for a "day-of" coordinator. What are some questions to ask that person? Is there a big difference between indoor/outdoor weddings as far as coordination?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Good question! A wedding at home can be more difficult than one in a facility -- simply because there are more parameters to take into consideration. In your quest for a coordinator, look for someone who has experience managing complex events -- especially ones at private residences. Ask them about their experience, dealing with the myriad of off premise providers that will be necessary for the event. Find out how they will handle parking, staffing, maintaining privacy for you and your neighbors, permits and noise ordinances, portable restrooms ... the list is endless. There is a MAJOR difference in the management of an indoor vs. outdoor wedding. Mother Nature is the key player in this instance -- so make sure that you have a solid "Plan B" in the works. A good coordinator will help you do that! On another note - because of the complexities of dealing with a home wedding, I would suggest utilizing the planner for a bit more service - the help will only benefit you in the long run.....

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Alexandria, Va.: I am getting married in December and am anxious to tie in some Christmas themes without going too overboard. Any thoughts?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: I did a wedding this past January -- and used a "winter wonderland" theme. Lots of "snow" and wintry trees ... pure white linens, touch of silvery sparkle, white florals. The end result was stunning -- and the venue was still decorated from Xmas!! It's a matter of concealment, smoke and mirrors if you will. I'd probably stay away from red..and focus instead on the purity of winter. It's a classy, clean look!

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Washington, D.C.: Linnyette, I just got engaged and am already dealing with family members telling us how we should be handling various parts of the wedding. How can I tactfully tell them to stop butting in? I enjoy the planning but having people comment on what I should be doing is frustrating and stressful! Any tips?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Indeed! Simply say" You know, I really appreciate all of your thoughts and input regarding our upcoming wedding. It really means a lot that you are thinking of our happiness so much. But ... we've made a lot of decisions and we're happy with what's coming from it. I know that you'll love the end result - we can't wait to have you as a guest to share in all of the joy!" That should do it -- if all else fails, hire a planner -- and tell the "family" that the planner is handling everything!!

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McLean, Va.: Does the maid of honor have to be your sister or can it be your best friend and/or your sister just be a bridesmaid?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Your maid of honor should be the person who is closest to you - who truly supports you and this new relationship. So - choose who means the most to you and who you want to have standing directly next to you as you move into this next phase of your life!

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Anonymous: I plan to get married next year (May) in my hometown (which is far from here). What do you think is the best way to handle somewhat of a destination wedding when I can only go home maybe 2-3 times before then. I thought about hiring a wedding planner, but the two I contacted so far have not been responsive. Which I am not sure why? So, I want to be able to maximize my time when I do visit.

Silver Spring, Md.

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: You are definitely a candidate for a wedding planner - the right one will make your life so much easier! I don't know what the deal is with the ones you contacted, but I'd keep searching...if you like, you can email me and maybe I can steer you in the right direction. I know many planners nationwide!

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Brooklyn, N.Y.: Hi Linnyette,

I am getting married in a few months, and one of our top priorities is creating a terrific party for our guests -- including a great dance party. We just went to a friend's wedding that fizzled. They had great music, but the bar closed at 9 p.m. The dancing just never took off and the party felt a little flat. What's the magic ingredient (or ingredients!) to get a party really flying? Is an open bar essential? (We're on a budget and can't afford a great band and we're worried about bar costs.)

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: A great party needs: good food, great ambiance and kickin' music! Bands are expensive -- have you considered hiring a fabulous dj?? A great one will keep your party rockin' -- you'll have to kick people out! A good dj is also psychic -- they know how to read a crowd, know when to slow it up and know when to raise the roof -- and keep it going. Make sure that you have ample space to dance ... and make sure that you are on the dance floor too! When your guests see that you are the life of the party -- they'll join right in with you! Bar decision really depend on the drinking persona of your guests. If you don't have a bunch of big drinkers, consider doing a light bar of beer , wine and soda. Trust me, people will drink whatever you put in front of them. Don't stress out - they'll be happy with what you serve. Bars and liquor can really eat up a budget - so tread carefully!

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Washington, D.C.: I have read that the average American wedding cost $25,000! Why has the cost increased so much?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: The average wedding is actually around $22,000..higher in NYC and L.A. Costs have gone up simply because the cost of living has increased. Also, wedding service providers are true professionals, not the lady from church or the friend of a friend. As such, their fees are reflective of their expertise ... as in any profession, you do get what you pay for! With that being said -- you can have a great wedding without giving your first born. It's all about defining what you want, the number of guests, the time of year, etc....

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Capital Hill, D.C.: Everyone keeps telling me I should be a wedding/event planner. How would someone get started? I used to be a stage manager and used to manage many people and details. I love you on "Whose Wedding" ...

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Ooh..that's a long answer!! Feel free to email me at linnyette@theweddingdiva.com and I'll be able to answer you more directly. I will say this - the key word is training! There are a lot of people who like this - and think they can do it. Not so....there's more to it than meets the eye!

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Washington, D.C. (Dupont): How do I find a dj or band for an out-of-town wedding?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: The Internet is your friend! Make use of the various search engines for the area the event will be held in....and contact the banquet/catering manager. Many times, they'll be able to give you the names of some bands/DJ's that have worked their facilities.

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Northern Virginia: My fiance and I am have very different family backgrounds -- I have a huge family and large group of friends, his family is small, with only a couple close friends. He doesn't want a big wedding, but I can't leave the people I love out. My idea of compromise was a wedding with close family at a fun European destination and then a big reception back in the U.S. for everyone else. But I'm not sure how to go about inviting people to the reception but not-inviting people to the the actual wedding in Europe without being rude. Also, is it ok to re-wear my dress and such at the reception?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Sounds like you are thinking of doing a destination wedding. I'd definitely enlist the help of a planner...you can sit down and define the parameters for the actual ceremony. It's very common that everyone won't or can't come to Europe for the actual ceremony - but more people can attend the U.S. reception. I would work closely with a planner and good travel agent to set up group rates for travel/accommodations to Europe, then plan a cool, fabulous party later on. You would send announcements that state your marriage took place in (location). Later on, you would send an invitation to the "celebration of your marriage".

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Curious in D.C.: What's the average going rate for a wedding planner and what are the rates dependent upon?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Rates will vary with experience and location. You might see day of coordination rates starting at $500 and full, blown planning services starting at $2000 and going up. It really depends on the planner and what they bring to the table. I would suggest interviewing a few to get an idea of what they can do and how you "sync" with them...gotta have a good vibe, or else...it's not going to work well.

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Washington, D.C.: Are black bridesmaids' dresses really acceptable these days?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Definitely! They're classy - can be worn again, and most of them don't get relegated to the Goodwill. I would choose dresses that are flattering to the figure and pick bright or deliciously pale flowers to go along with them. Add in some sexy shoes and great accessories and you have a wonderful outfit that women will feel good about wearing.

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Boston, Mass.: My 52-year old sister is getting married for the first time. She has everything and her fiance has his own home and everything.

What do you recommend for a wedding shower for gifts and format?

Maureen

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Why not do a couple's shower...perhaps an "around the clock" or "hobby" shower? I would do something fun...with more focus on the couple, versus the gift giving. Even though they have their own home, gift cards/gift certificates are a great way to "give" them something - then they can choose what suits their fancy!

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Washington, D.C.: What flowers are really hot right now?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: I'm seeing a lot of peonies and hydrangeas in bouquets and arrangements. They are beautiful, hardy blooms and they look good with just about anything. Another flower I'm using a lot is the lisianthus - really pretty, ruffly flower....

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McLean, Va.: Hi, what is the usual policy re: feeding vendors? Do I need to feed the photographer and band? Does it need to be the same as what the guests are eating? I'm paying these vendors a lot of money and feel that I shouldn't be expected to feed them a $75 meal. Can I pick up some sandwiches for them instead? Thanks for your advice! Love all the "Whose Wedding Is It" anyway episodes I've seen you on!

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Glad you like "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" -- it was a blast shooting it! The vendors I generally suggest feeding are: photographer,videographer,consultant -- mainly because we've been with you all day! Bands/DJs are only on duty for about 4 hours....but I know a lot of them want some sort of food. I usually ask the caterer to prepare a nice sandwich/deli tray where folks can help themselves. Serve cold sodas/water and chips....that's fine. To be honest, we really don't have time to eat - we just need to grab something quick! Plus - this is a lot cheaper than a guest meal!!

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Arlington, Va.: Hi Ms. Richardson-Hall,

I am getting married in Old Town Alexandria (October 2006). We picked the location because I grew up in a local church there. However, we are having problems finding an inexpensive reception site in the area for 100 people. Any tips on where to look for ideas? We don't want to have a hotel reception either. Thanks.

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Again -- the 'net is your friend! Also check out local wedding magazines and caterers. Make sure you define what your spending limits are for food -- that will also help you decide what you can and cannot spend on a site. I know that I can't answer all of your questions here - but please feel free to email me at linnyette@theweddingdiva.com

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Washington, D.C.: I am getting married for the first (and hopefully only) time. My fiance was married several years before to a woman who sadly got sick and passed away. He says he feels blessed to have found me and does not make me feel like a second choice. My parents/family would like to throw a wonderful wedding for us with all the trimmings (no stress, just lots of friends/family at a church and then lots of eating, drinking,&dancing.) My fiance's parents feel like their family has already done the big church wedding thing for their son and think we shouldn't make a big to-do about it. It was suggested that since my fiance has already had a church wedding, we should just go to the courthouse or something. Comments were also made about expecting their relatives to come to another formal wedding and/or buy another gift (ugh!). My fiance says whatever I want is great with him, but is it wrong of me to want to celebrate my marriage as a main event and not just some footnote to the "original" one my fiance had with his late wife? I'm thinking I'd just invite everyone anyway and let them decline if they don't want to be burdened again, but the comments really peeve me. How to deal?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: I say" have the wedding you want". You and your fiance' need to make the decision as to the tone and style of your nuptials - not anyone else. This is your time to celebrate..not a time for rehashing the past! If I were your planner - I'd be cheering you on to do what works for you - because at the end of the day, this event is all about the two of you - no one else!!!

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Clinton, Md.: Good morning! I have a quick question for you. I am interested in getting into event/wedding planning but have no experience. What is the best way to break into this industry with no experience? Are there any area colleges or universities that offer classes? Internships? Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks for your help!

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Hi: I would love to give your more information about this biz -- so please feel free to email me at linnyette@theweddingdiva.com. You can also check out my training programs for wedding planners at www.thebusinessofmatrimony.com

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Crystal City, Va.: Hello again. This is for Washington, D.C. looking for rentals. I do not have a name, but there is a bridal shop in the Langley Park area, off New Hampshire Ave. that rents out dresses.

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Hi there! I think there's one in Md. too called "Grace&Elegance." I'm sure they have a Web site ...

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Silver Spring, Md.: Hi Linnyette! I have loved your work on "Whose Wedding..."

My question is: if you cannot afford a planner or a "day-of" coordinator for your wedding and only have a friend of relative to help, what should be on the list of issues to ask them to help out with on the day of?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Hi: Thanks for the compliment -- I appreciate it! I'd be happy to discuss the "ins and outs" of day of coordination with you ... but this forum doesn't give me much time! Please feel free to contact me at linnyette@theweddingdiva.com and we can talk more!

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Washington, D.C. : What is the biggest mistake brides make in planning a wedding? (Other than budget issues).

What is the biggest mistake brides make on their wedding day?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Seriously? Not having a clear vision and sticking with their guts. Number 2 -- not having the resources of a planner at their disposal. Honestly, people think we're a luxury, but when you really look at it - we are your best defense. We know what works, how it works and how to make it work. We can save you time, which is valuable. We can save your sanity -- which is even more precious. So ... I'd say, be clear on what you want -- and truly consider the use of a professional planner. You'll be glad you did!

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Alexandria, Va.: Hi Ms. Richardson-Hall,

We are getting married in Old Town next year. Unfortunately we are on a tight budget. Any tips for saving money? We already looked into a Friday or Sunday wedding but the church won't marry anyone then. Thanks.

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Consider an early morning wedding followed by breakfast or brunch. Look at trimming the guest list to those nearest and dearest. Have a smaller wedding party. It's the little things that will mean the most.......

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Bethesda, Md.: Hi Linnyette! I am writing with a sticky question and hoping you have some experience in these matters. My father and mother are divorced but are both contributing to my wedding in May next year. Their divorce was rough, and a couple down the street -- still friends with my mother - took sides, and were pretty rough to my dad. He has stated emphatically that he doesn't want to ever see those neighbors again, and certainly not at the wedding. However, I am sure that my mom is expecting them to be invited. I was thinking of telling her that there isn't enough room for them, but I think she'll try to be "helpful" and say she could pay for them to come, or tell me it's impolite not to invite them, or something along those lines. I'm trying to avoid telling her that it's my dad's request I'm heeding, since she has a trigger temper when it comes to him. Any advice? Thanks so much.

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: I do have an answer - feel free to contact me at linnyette@theweddingdiva.com I hope to hear from you!

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Baltimore, Maryland: My fiance and I are very low-key and do not want to spend a lot of money on our wedding as we have a lot or work needed on our home. We are not having a formal ceremony and the reception will be held two months after the ceremony where only immediate family will be present. We have everything for our home as we have been living together for 2 years. Is there a polite way to ask guests to only give money gifts?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Nope - there is never any polite way to ask for $$$. I would suggest that you let people know when they ask you about gifts - that you have a home together, but you will appreciate anything they wish to bestow upon you. It's a graceful, tactful way of getting your point across!

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Baltimore, Maryland: My parents keep adding to the guests list, but are only willing to spend $3500 on the entire wedding. My fiance and I do not have a lot of money and wanted to spend as little as possible. How do I get control of the situation?

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: Simple - realize that this is your wedding. Tell your parents (nicely of course) that your funds are limited and that if they want to add guests - they'll need to pay. End of story. They can't keep adding and not want to foot the bill!

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Baltimore, Maryland: My mother will not listen to any of my ideas for my wedding. What the wedding has become is not what my fiancee and I want. We have told her this and she is refusing to listen, but is expecting us to pay for everything as well. Help!

Linnyette Richardson-Hall: You have to be firm but polite. I would have a discussion with her and let her know that while you appreciate her interest, the wedding decisions will be made by you are your fiance. She may not want to listen -- but then you are also free to do what makes you happy. Feel free to contact me at linnyette@theweddingdiva.com if you have any other questions!

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Linnyette Richardson-Hall: I'd like to thank all of you for your questions! I'm sorry I couldn't answer all of them ... but I do invite you to visit me at www.theweddingdiva.com to learn more about what I do and to contact me if you are interested in wedding planning services. Please visit my companion Web site at www.thebusinessofmatrimony.com Thanks to the washingtonpost.com for this opportunity -- I've truly enjoyed every minute! Happy weddings to you all!!!!!

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